The Book of Mike

"This is no junior college. This is the notorious University of Miami.” -- Marlins starter Dontrelle Willis, after getting knocked around for six runs in 2 1/3 innings by the Canes.

Friday, July 30, 2004

An invitation to Mike Tyson

Dear Mike:

I saw you on television last night being interviewed by ESPN’s Jeremy Schaap.  First of all, I have to commend you for how you handled everything.  I, who has a bit of a longer fuse than you, would probably go off on Jeremy Schaap and might even threaten to eat his children or something outrageous like that.  The restraint you showed by simply sitting there calmly and answering Jeremy’s questions was certainly commendable (although hopefully you’ll show a little more aggression in your fight tonight).

On the other hand, I was a little disappointed with how the weigh in and the whole pre-fight show has gone so far.  Usually you’re good for a few more fun comments and other insanity, which I just haven’t seen coming into this fight.

However, I’m writing about something else.  During your ESPN interview, the subject of your financial problems came up and you mentioned that you would never take money from someone.  You said that you might take money for someone for painting their house or something like that. 

And that’s the purpose of my letter.  I’m writing to ask you to come paint my house.  You don’t have to paint the whole place or anything like that - maybe just a room or two.  It probably only really needs a touch up anyway.  In exchange I’m willing to pay you a fair price (but keep in mind, even if I were to declare bankruptcy today, there’s no way that I – like you – could find a way to keep two million dollars after everything was resolved) and even take you out to dinner on South Beach afterwards.

Let me know if you’re interested (feel free to email me) and good luck in the fight tonight.

Your friend,Mike


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