The Book of Mike

"This is no junior college. This is the notorious University of Miami.” -- Marlins starter Dontrelle Willis, after getting knocked around for six runs in 2 1/3 innings by the Canes.

Thursday, March 11, 2004

The Senator from the Great State of Arizona would now like to tell a joke about the President's daughter...

We don't normally delve into politics here, but then again, politics and politicians don't normally delve into baseball...

All must be right in the world since the Senate Commerce Committee had the time yesterday to meet with leaders from Major League Baseball and the National Football League. Senate Commerce Committee Chairman John McCain (R – AZ) went so far as to say that if baseball doesn’t step up its drug testing program, the federal government will be forced to step in.

Amazingly deficit issues have gone away, children everywhere are fed, world peace is rapidly proliferating, education issues have been addressed, the space program is on track, and all other issues have simply been rectified. The most serious issues like Janet Jackson’s half-time act and what Howard Stern says in the morning have been resolved. Even what was previously thought to be sports most egregious impropriety (the sport of boxing in general) has already been addressed by the Senate Commerce Committee. Fortunately, this frees up the Senators to move on to the big issues that have been plaguing America for who-knows-how-long now – steroids in baseball. While it was entertaining to see footage of Bud Selig and Jerry Colangelo be questioned by the committee yesterday, Senator McCain’s comment that Major League Baseball has a “legitimacy issue” struck the deepest chord.

When Senator McCain speaks about legitimacy issues, you have to listen because he knows firsthand of what he speaks. While McCain served his country in Vietnam and was a Prisoner of War and in many ways is a living definition of an American hero, but he also aided a convicted racketeerer who contributed significantly to McCain’s campaigns and vacations and is a world (in)famous joke teller. McCain once quipped, “Do you know why Chelsea Clinton is so ugly? Because Janet Reno is her father.”

All of us are incredibly lucky to live in a world where everything is so good that our elected officials deem steroid usage in professional baseball as the most pressing issue of the day. Make sure to thank your Senator.


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